Richard Nixon, 1969 Inaugural Address (via brianecclpark)
This has happened before. I’ve always been stronger without a boyfriend, commanded more presence in the room, owned a voice that more people listened to. I’m confident without a man.
What is it about being with someone… that takes your eye off your goals? Why does it change the way I behave around others?
Mostly, I think it makes me scared. It hits the one place I’m most vulnerable. It forces me into compassion, into trust, into allowing for mistakes. It means I have to trust other women. It means there are some things I can’t control. It means there are things I cannot hide.
You wonder why such accomplished, confident women have such a difficult time settling down… and I think, maybe, they’re like me. Too good to love. Too good to need. Why expose such well-hidden weaknesses? Why forgo the look in their eyes, that say, I want to be you.
This is all hard for me. Relationships… I’m bad at them. But I take my boyfriend’s hand. I watch him as he drives, as he eats, as he works. Sometimes, I just hope he sees it in my eyes. But other times, I put it into words for him, and I’ll tell him, that despite the storm in my heart, and the ways that just being with him and staying with him are messing with me, I hope to love him well.